"Mommy, am I old?"

"No"

"Right, I'm not old, but YOU are"

"I guess I am!"

"Yeah, we need a new one of you"

Spring, Sweet Rite of Spring!

Three years and four months as of today we brought home this little wrinkly sugarbear, fruitaboo, Judesy thing who now carries on entire conversations and already attempts reverse-psychology on his parents.

Did it pass so fast that it was a blur or has it felt like an eternity of an exhausted murky reality puncutated by the chaos of a little boy? I can't really decide.

Although right this minute I'm leaning more toward the latter. Exhausted doesn't do this bone aching, headachey, sleep deprived feeling justice. You know what I'm talking about intimately, I'm sure.

I love it when Jude wakes up happy and bright eyed and bushy tailed, ready to greet the world!

Except when it's 3AM.

Which is fine.

Except when he doesn't go back to sleep until long after 7AM.

Then, as Jude himself would say these days, yes......but no.

And where is the perpetrator right now? Oh you know where he is. Happily zonked. Which, although I don't think I'll last much longer myself, really was a blessing because for the first time in over three years and four months I was able to have a hot bath, BY MYSELF. You remember that concept, right, By Myself? It's an unfamiliar, almost foreign thing to me these days. I don't even get to go to the bathroom By Myself any longer. Not without super-ears hearing and shouting out "MOM, are you poopin'?" and hearing him running toward the bathroom because I will obviously need assistance flushing.

Wonderfully, my bath wasn't just By Myself, but hot, and not just hot either, theraputic hot. Mmmm. One of the simple things a girl misses once the small wrinkly thing that grows up and needs to be informed of your every bodily function comes home. I know those of you who don't have your own live in poop recorder/broadcaster/commentator are saying, "For real? Not get to take a long hot bath by herself in three years? Give me a break, it can't be that bad" "Hahahahahaha"...is all the rest of us have to say.

So here I am, the first evening of Spring, 2008 and I've had my own Birth of Venus of sorts. Feeling a bit as if I'm coming out of a long fog of confusion for the first time in years, like a goddess in a watery garden surrounded by lotus, fairy moss, water hyacinths, Diego's rescue 'copter and a circus elephant.

Could a vernal equinox be so perfect?

The Ultimate Answer and The Dangers of Bluetooth

Upon entering Jude's room this morning in todays attempt to trick him into getting clothes on his body, we find the mini pop up tent that has been hanging around in the middle of the room for a few weeks contorted into a shape a pop up tent was never intended to be contorted into.

Jude: "Look!"

Judesmommy: "Mmhmmm, what happened?" (totally unimpressed because it's too early in the morning to feign astonishment at the toddler-esque cruel and unusual manipulations of the material objects within my vicinity).

Jude: "Me."

I figure that about sums up my entire life from this point on.



And now, here's something our parents never had to worry about:

One morning while dropping Jude off at the center, Ben had an early morning conference call he needed to be on. Being all techie and stuff, he likes to use the Bluetooth function in his car. I've not yet been able to get around to setting mine up, and it's not because I fear all things new or anything, it's just because of that whole being a mommy with a toddler who barely has time to brush her hair, let alone set up her bluetooth, thing. Even though the offer has been made to do it FOR me, still no, because that would mean I'd no longer have an excuse not to use it. Although, I'm not sure why I think I even need an excuse not to use it...I think this all may stem a from a deep dark vortex of some complicated subconscious something. I like to pin all irrational, lazy behavior on the subconscious. I've decided it makes the best scapegoat to relieve oneself from the burden of culpability.

Anyway, so Ben dialed into the bridge his early morning conference call was being held on and announced himself through the incredible magic of talking into the air inside the car. A dozen or so co-workers had already assembled. The perky girl leading the conference call acknowledged and welcomed Ben. Then from the backseat, upon hearing a female voice coming through the stereo speakers came

"HI MOMMY!"

Bluetooth, yet another way they can embarrass you.

Betcha Thought We Fell Off the Planet...

I know, cardinal sin, up and not posting for weeks and weeks (OK and weeks even).

I'm sorry. Life, it's so messy sometimes.

Meanwhile, I'll try to catch you up in a sentence or two, albeit run-ons, fair warning.

Deep breath...here goes.

We've been busy every single day getting into every single thing imaginable that we can now actually reach and open and unlock. We suddenly began speaking in very bossy and commanding 8 word sentences. We want to go to the potty with EVERYONE and are fascinated with the grandeur of all that is Poop. And, we suddenly woke up this morning, rolled over to a cold with goose-bumps mommy, poked her where a girl can't hide it when she's cold (you know...opposite of shrinkage) and commanded, "Put them back in".

See. We've been busy.

New Post Up At GNMParents

They haven't told me to hit the road quite yet...so here's this week's post.

Parental Empathy: Can You Mix Tough With Tender?

Easter Times Three

It's the Little Things

Every afternoon this week we have been taking Jude to the park. After being stuck indoors all winter it seems that the three of us can't get enough of "ousside". Yesterday was no exception.

While the two of them roamed the park, climbing monkey bars and slides (yes, we climb slides) and running on wooden bridges, I parked myself on the bench and flipped through a magazine. Normally, I'm also following the trail of activity through the playground, but not yesterday.

At first I felt that twinge of guilt. You know the one I'm talking about. The one that says, "I reeeally shouldn't be doing something as frivolous as sitting and reading a magazine when I could be following Ben and Jude, being a part of all the action."

That's when I looked up.

There, off in the distance, they were both walking toward the baseball field to watch the afternoon practice that was going on. Side by side, big and little, I watched them walk away. Stopping here and there to examine something on the ground together or point up at something in a tree, it was as if I were watching a scene from a very poignant movie.

Only it was MY movie.

Since I didn't have my camera with me I tried to burn the image into my brain so that when I'm old, on a rainy day like today, I can sit and stare out the window and watch them over and over again in my memory.

The guilt went away as I went back to reading my magazine, glancing up periodically to drink in the sight of them and be reminded that it really is the little things in life that mean so much.

Will MySpace Bring World Peace?

The nice folks over at GNM Parents have asked me to contribute to their online collaborative site! What fun! It appears they are not the least big aghast at my often wacky views and ideas.

My first post went up over the weekend. Go check it out.

Will MySpace Bring World Peace?

It's 11AM, Has Anyone Seen My Xanax?

Just kidding, I don't take Xanax. But if anyone can hook me up...seriously....no I'm kidding again.

I think.

This morning started out so great. Routine smoothly falling into place, happy happy Jude Jude.

Then I made the mistake of sitting him down to watch Go, Diego Go! for half an hour so that I could get a little work done early.

Like I said M-I-S-T-A-K-E. And yes, that's all caps.

Please explain to me how one small human can turn a house upside down in the span of less than 45 minutes? Let's not even mention the fact that even with our smooth as Ex-Lax routine this morning we had to have a muffins turned birthday cupcakes breakfast party this morning. Candles and all. Mind you, I have no idea whose birthday it is.

And could someone also explain why we have to strip completely naked, including yanking off our socks, before we go sit on the potty? Which, of course, nothing actually ended up IN the potty. But, having decided that doing chores in the buff is best, we went streaking through the house mopping the carpet, sweeping the kitty food bowls, assisting with our laundry by sending the full basket tumbling down the stairs and because we have such a love of nature, deciding that the almost as big as we are watering can needed to be filled, and the incredibly realistic looking plants watered.

Where was I during all this? Oh I was sooo trapped on a conference call. Judge all you want. I was doing that thing that, you know, gives me a paycheck so I can feed this child birthday muffin cupcakes.

Had enough? I know I had. So after chasing him down and tricking him back into his clothes and actually getting him driven all the way to his nursery school, we decide that it's time to play Make Mommy Chase Me and run back out of the building TWICE before mommy scoops him up and carries him under her arm all the way to his classroom while the Director and Assistant Director watch with eyes as big as saucers. I'm sure they were astonished that they were witnessing this from the mommy who had been in the office of the Director multiple times discussing the adverse affects of too much of the use of the word "No!" And reminding them that she does not advocate it's liberal use.

Ever heard of the cliche "Eat your words"? Yeah, I had mine for breakfast, which is why I'm thinking Xanax for lunch.

Recklessly Seeking the Prime Directive

So, as someone only two years, three months, three weeks, six hours and two minutes into this mommy game, give it to me straight. What's the one best piece of advice you would give me to take on my journey into unknown terrain called mommyhood?

Come on now...don't hold out on me, spill!

It's a BLOG!!!

We love the birth of a new mommyblog! Especially a blog starring people near and dear to our hearts.

Cruise on over to The Ricker House and keep tabs on Jude's cousin's antics as they unfold.

Welcome to mommyblogging, MamaRicker!

Jude-Experiment: Gravity & The Physics of Baby Gates

Last night, while at opposite ends of the house, there was a simultaneous parental running response to what sounded very much like the squealing of a stuck pig.

Followed by what sounded very much like a mommy and daddy doubled over in laughter.

After having been greeted by the vision of a toddler, on his belly, stuck halfway under a baby gate at the top of the stairs...one arm reaching like Stretch Armstrong for the milk he had experimentally thrown OVER the gate...yelling "Moke! Mo-o-o-oke! Moke!!"

Ben, gasping for breath from laughter, "Indiana Jones, you're NOT!"

We're guessing it'll be a while before you're ready to go on dangerous hunts for archaeological treasures, Jude.

Hey Jude

OK, I'll come clean Little Man. I confess that the thought of going out of town for work for a few days leaves me daydreaming about full nights of blissful, uninterrupted sleep, having only myself to dress and feed and well...all sorts of decadent imaginings.

Decadent imaginings of mundane things that, pre-Jude, I took for granted. Took so for granted, in fact, that I had no idea how for granted they were being taken!

Ahhhh, all these sweet, sweet imaginings. They are all good and fine until I reach my intended destination and fall exhausted into an empty, cold, often too hard or too soft, hotel bed. At which point, I proceed to toss and turn, flip and flop trying to drift into that long awaited, aforementioned night of blissful, uninterrupted sleep.

Invariably, my fantasy is shattered because all I can think of is how much I want to kiss your soft, freshly bathed, smelly good self over and over, snuggling up to you while I close my eyes and fall into exhausted mommy slumber.


You've ruined me for life, but oh how good it is to be ruined.