Friday, July 21

Why Sheep Run from Toddlers Or Tales of Momsomnia

OK. This is becoming a habit. It's the third night in a row that, from 8:30pm on, I have only the muted TV and my laptop to keep me company. The other two personages dwelling in my humble abode have both dropped off into deep, dark, couldn't wake them if the house was on fire slumberland. They're crashed right here beside me and I'm left to my own devices. Again.

Well, I say beside me, but "beside" is relative when it comes to a slumbering ToddlerJude. Here I am, surfing happily with my laptop on it's uber-cool, homegrown Boppy and Dali artbook lapdesk, and I'm relegated to the upper right hand quadrant of the bed. King sized bed, too, there should be room. But anything outside my quadrant is a danger-zone wherein the JudeMonster sleeps ... and I'm scared to go there.

The second he falls asleep he's suddenly transformed into a Cirque du Soleil performer practicing for his debut. If you get too close you will be flopped on, it's inevitable. But, wait, that's the easy part, he's a changeling too. It gets worse as the Cirque de Soleil show goes off and WWE comes on. The Smackdown is next as a heel drop lands right on your laptop keyboard. This is followed by multiple gator death-rolls right before the action sequence ceases and he comes to rest across your legs. And then he magically turns himself into a ton of bricks and your legs become numb useless stumps. At which point you are dying to try to ease them out from under him and jumpstart your circulation, but you're terrified because the slightest whisper of a nudge and an episode of WWE RAW follows right behind The Smackdown.

Your only hope is to take full advantage of the in-between-sit-up-like-a-Weeble-Wobble and babble incoherently flashes.

I really could just avoid all this by putting him in his own bed but, 1) He would have to have one before we could put him in it. (His crib, you're thinking? That beautiful crib he has slept in all of twice in his life? Haha...that's where he practices his trapeze act. That or he wants to be a monkey in the Zoo when he grows up, not sure which) and 2) It just wouldn't be as much fun, now would it?

1 comment:

Bryan B said...

My wife and the 2 cats already take up all the room in bed, I can't imagine adding a kid to the mix... I think I'll be holding off on kids for a while :)