The Ultimate Answer and The Dangers of Bluetooth

Upon entering Jude's room this morning in todays attempt to trick him into getting clothes on his body, we find the mini pop up tent that has been hanging around in the middle of the room for a few weeks contorted into a shape a pop up tent was never intended to be contorted into.

Jude: "Look!"

Judesmommy: "Mmhmmm, what happened?" (totally unimpressed because it's too early in the morning to feign astonishment at the toddler-esque cruel and unusual manipulations of the material objects within my vicinity).

Jude: "Me."

I figure that about sums up my entire life from this point on.



And now, here's something our parents never had to worry about:

One morning while dropping Jude off at the center, Ben had an early morning conference call he needed to be on. Being all techie and stuff, he likes to use the Bluetooth function in his car. I've not yet been able to get around to setting mine up, and it's not because I fear all things new or anything, it's just because of that whole being a mommy with a toddler who barely has time to brush her hair, let alone set up her bluetooth, thing. Even though the offer has been made to do it FOR me, still no, because that would mean I'd no longer have an excuse not to use it. Although, I'm not sure why I think I even need an excuse not to use it...I think this all may stem a from a deep dark vortex of some complicated subconscious something. I like to pin all irrational, lazy behavior on the subconscious. I've decided it makes the best scapegoat to relieve oneself from the burden of culpability.

Anyway, so Ben dialed into the bridge his early morning conference call was being held on and announced himself through the incredible magic of talking into the air inside the car. A dozen or so co-workers had already assembled. The perky girl leading the conference call acknowledged and welcomed Ben. Then from the backseat, upon hearing a female voice coming through the stereo speakers came

"HI MOMMY!"

Bluetooth, yet another way they can embarrass you.

Betcha Thought We Fell Off the Planet...

I know, cardinal sin, up and not posting for weeks and weeks (OK and weeks even).

I'm sorry. Life, it's so messy sometimes.

Meanwhile, I'll try to catch you up in a sentence or two, albeit run-ons, fair warning.

Deep breath...here goes.

We've been busy every single day getting into every single thing imaginable that we can now actually reach and open and unlock. We suddenly began speaking in very bossy and commanding 8 word sentences. We want to go to the potty with EVERYONE and are fascinated with the grandeur of all that is Poop. And, we suddenly woke up this morning, rolled over to a cold with goose-bumps mommy, poked her where a girl can't hide it when she's cold (you know...opposite of shrinkage) and commanded, "Put them back in".

See. We've been busy.

New Post Up At GNMParents

They haven't told me to hit the road quite yet...so here's this week's post.

Parental Empathy: Can You Mix Tough With Tender?

Easter Times Three

It's the Little Things

Every afternoon this week we have been taking Jude to the park. After being stuck indoors all winter it seems that the three of us can't get enough of "ousside". Yesterday was no exception.

While the two of them roamed the park, climbing monkey bars and slides (yes, we climb slides) and running on wooden bridges, I parked myself on the bench and flipped through a magazine. Normally, I'm also following the trail of activity through the playground, but not yesterday.

At first I felt that twinge of guilt. You know the one I'm talking about. The one that says, "I reeeally shouldn't be doing something as frivolous as sitting and reading a magazine when I could be following Ben and Jude, being a part of all the action."

That's when I looked up.

There, off in the distance, they were both walking toward the baseball field to watch the afternoon practice that was going on. Side by side, big and little, I watched them walk away. Stopping here and there to examine something on the ground together or point up at something in a tree, it was as if I were watching a scene from a very poignant movie.

Only it was MY movie.

Since I didn't have my camera with me I tried to burn the image into my brain so that when I'm old, on a rainy day like today, I can sit and stare out the window and watch them over and over again in my memory.

The guilt went away as I went back to reading my magazine, glancing up periodically to drink in the sight of them and be reminded that it really is the little things in life that mean so much.

Will MySpace Bring World Peace?

The nice folks over at GNM Parents have asked me to contribute to their online collaborative site! What fun! It appears they are not the least big aghast at my often wacky views and ideas.

My first post went up over the weekend. Go check it out.

Will MySpace Bring World Peace?

It's 11AM, Has Anyone Seen My Xanax?

Just kidding, I don't take Xanax. But if anyone can hook me up...seriously....no I'm kidding again.

I think.

This morning started out so great. Routine smoothly falling into place, happy happy Jude Jude.

Then I made the mistake of sitting him down to watch Go, Diego Go! for half an hour so that I could get a little work done early.

Like I said M-I-S-T-A-K-E. And yes, that's all caps.

Please explain to me how one small human can turn a house upside down in the span of less than 45 minutes? Let's not even mention the fact that even with our smooth as Ex-Lax routine this morning we had to have a muffins turned birthday cupcakes breakfast party this morning. Candles and all. Mind you, I have no idea whose birthday it is.

And could someone also explain why we have to strip completely naked, including yanking off our socks, before we go sit on the potty? Which, of course, nothing actually ended up IN the potty. But, having decided that doing chores in the buff is best, we went streaking through the house mopping the carpet, sweeping the kitty food bowls, assisting with our laundry by sending the full basket tumbling down the stairs and because we have such a love of nature, deciding that the almost as big as we are watering can needed to be filled, and the incredibly realistic looking plants watered.

Where was I during all this? Oh I was sooo trapped on a conference call. Judge all you want. I was doing that thing that, you know, gives me a paycheck so I can feed this child birthday muffin cupcakes.

Had enough? I know I had. So after chasing him down and tricking him back into his clothes and actually getting him driven all the way to his nursery school, we decide that it's time to play Make Mommy Chase Me and run back out of the building TWICE before mommy scoops him up and carries him under her arm all the way to his classroom while the Director and Assistant Director watch with eyes as big as saucers. I'm sure they were astonished that they were witnessing this from the mommy who had been in the office of the Director multiple times discussing the adverse affects of too much of the use of the word "No!" And reminding them that she does not advocate it's liberal use.

Ever heard of the cliche "Eat your words"? Yeah, I had mine for breakfast, which is why I'm thinking Xanax for lunch.

Recklessly Seeking the Prime Directive

So, as someone only two years, three months, three weeks, six hours and two minutes into this mommy game, give it to me straight. What's the one best piece of advice you would give me to take on my journey into unknown terrain called mommyhood?

Come on now...don't hold out on me, spill!

It's a BLOG!!!

We love the birth of a new mommyblog! Especially a blog starring people near and dear to our hearts.

Cruise on over to The Ricker House and keep tabs on Jude's cousin's antics as they unfold.

Welcome to mommyblogging, MamaRicker!

Jude-Experiment: Gravity & The Physics of Baby Gates

Last night, while at opposite ends of the house, there was a simultaneous parental running response to what sounded very much like the squealing of a stuck pig.

Followed by what sounded very much like a mommy and daddy doubled over in laughter.

After having been greeted by the vision of a toddler, on his belly, stuck halfway under a baby gate at the top of the stairs...one arm reaching like Stretch Armstrong for the milk he had experimentally thrown OVER the gate...yelling "Moke! Mo-o-o-oke! Moke!!"

Ben, gasping for breath from laughter, "Indiana Jones, you're NOT!"

We're guessing it'll be a while before you're ready to go on dangerous hunts for archaeological treasures, Jude.

Hey Jude

OK, I'll come clean Little Man. I confess that the thought of going out of town for work for a few days leaves me daydreaming about full nights of blissful, uninterrupted sleep, having only myself to dress and feed and well...all sorts of decadent imaginings.

Decadent imaginings of mundane things that, pre-Jude, I took for granted. Took so for granted, in fact, that I had no idea how for granted they were being taken!

Ahhhh, all these sweet, sweet imaginings. They are all good and fine until I reach my intended destination and fall exhausted into an empty, cold, often too hard or too soft, hotel bed. At which point, I proceed to toss and turn, flip and flop trying to drift into that long awaited, aforementioned night of blissful, uninterrupted sleep.

Invariably, my fantasy is shattered because all I can think of is how much I want to kiss your soft, freshly bathed, smelly good self over and over, snuggling up to you while I close my eyes and fall into exhausted mommy slumber.


You've ruined me for life, but oh how good it is to be ruined.

Presto-Changeo

I'm scratching my head, trying to figure out when my two-year old turned into...well A TWO-YEAR OLD! Complete with all the two-year old two-year oldness!

What to do?

I SHOULD Feel Guilty, but...

This is turning into the most splendiferous Saturday ever. Like in the whole history of Evers...so far.

Because, as you must know by now I'm sure, we on the Eastern side over here are all encased in ice. Ice that won't seem to melt. And because, being encased in ice, when one decides stupidly to park on the half of the driveway not yet snow-blowered-ice chipped or whatever you call it, it's easy to slip and fall, twisting one's knee at an angle that shouldn't be humanly possible.

So here I sit, ice on the knee which is in pain because OF the ice, watching (simultaneously I might add) a movie on IFC, Jude jumping up and down on the mini-trampoline-wearing headphones which are slightly askew in that not quite right way and...Ben vacuuming.

Vacuuming not using this but this instead. The one that "doesn't lose suction" according to the nice but nerdy-looking British guy, James Dyson, who apparently did not include vacuuming up a gallon of Chex Mix from in-between sofa cushions and off of white carpet in his test trials. I can vouch for suction loss, as I sit here completely entertained while watching Ben completely perplexed by the loss of suction currently going on as he finishes the chex mix cleanup session that was suddenly interrupted yesterday (don't ask, it's not worth it).

And the movie's turning out to be marvelous Momtainment as well. What self-respecting, overworked, semi-narcoleptic mom doesn't enjoy living vicariously through Andie MacDowell while she's having a torrid, secret love affair with a younger man? Yep, I'm pretty sure this will be my next DVD purchase.

Hmmm...I just saw Jude streak by with a strangely familiar bottle in his hand. I'd better hobble up (can you even do that?). Because I doubt that Wet Fun Flavor Kiwi-Strawberry, delicious as it may be, qualifies as a nutritional afternoon snack for toddlers.

A New Epoch- Dining Out...

It seems that radical changes marked by new developments have occurred here in our bit of Valhalla. Manna has fallen from Heaven, the Promised Land is come.

Last Saturday evening we went out to dinner with marvelous friends...Judeless.

Please hold your breath and don't make any sudden moves. I think we may actually have a slim chance of something that might resemble adult life.

Of course, I had qualms about leaving my baby for any amount of time that might be selfishly mine. Yummy food (any food I don't have to make these days is utterly sublime), great atmosphere and intelligent conversation...oh so alluring and heady!

Those qualms vanished however when, as we were walking up the sidewalk to drop Jude off before dinner, I was unceremoniously shoved aside at the knees and watched as Jude flew ahead of me and threw himself into the arms of his beloved Ms. Maria. From that moment on I was no different than any other carbon based biped living on the planet.

Lump in throat...jealousy. I know, I know, get over it.

So, it took about five minutes of feeling-sorry-for-myself-getting-over-it.

Dinner anyone? The next two weekends are booked, but I'll squeeze in some room for you.

Just SO Adorably Funny

I'm sure they ALL do this, that Jude is no exception to the common two-year-old lingo-bloopers, but when he fell off his bike and ran to his daddy while pointing to his knee declaring that he had a "booby" this morning, I really did almost fall out of my chair laughing.

Pretty Blonde Steals Jude's Heart

Yes, it's true. I think his heart was stolen away last night. Of course, he does buckle at the knees at the sight of a pretty blonde, but I've never seen him quite as taken as he was last night.

Her name is Miranda and she was one of our much beloved dinner guests last night.

He fell asleep in her arms and I think he left his little heart right there, because this morning as soon as his feet hit the floor he headed down to the dining room and called out "M'anda? M'anda?".

I told him "Sweetie, Miranda went home to her house, we'll see her again soon." He looked at me with those big eyes.

As if by some magic that she surely would appear again, throughout the day he kept peeking round the corner into the dining room...checking her chair just to be sure.

Meditation spot: $0.00



Small tealight Buddha
to remind me to meditate: $9.99



Waking up and finding that
Charlotte wasn't able to save
Wilbur from a sacrificial fate:

Priceless

First Snow 2007

Judeisms

"Peechachoo"= Peekaboo

"Duddles" = Cuddles

"Bektist" = Any meal any time of the day

Mom-info

I've put up a new blog over at www.mommykind.blogspot.com

It's a place where I'll be posting on stuff I find and read about, well mommyhood and the mommyland some of us now live in.

See you there!

Domestic Violence Against Children- GO Sally, GO!

Assemblymember Sally Lieber, this is the best present you could have given us right at the start 2007! We've been waiting for so long for someone to have enough backbone to introduce a bill such as this- legislation to make spanking illegal! I think the consciousness on our planet may have just been raised a bit. This discussion, this debate, this issue is something we can no longer ignore. Raising awareness on violence of all forms and having discussions on how to transcend it can only mean that there's hope for the human race after all.

Ahhh, but opposers say it's another governmental intrusion on privacy...so I guess they think we should sanction assault and battery of babies as long as we do it at home. Let's see, domestic violence against a spouse or partner is against the law, but...beating babies, nah, that's OK. Oh and I'm sorry, Assemblymember Chuck DeVore, no it's not along the same lines as passing a bill that every parent has to read to their child for 30 minutes every night. No, duh. Honestly? Is that the best comeback you could think up?

We've come far enough along the research trail to know that violence is not the best way to teach and guide children. OH, and long term...it also doesn't work. 1986 research proved that a decade ago.

Psychology Today, Nov 1986

What did they discover? In both the long and short term, physical discipline proved unsuccessful. Babies who were physically punished by their mothers were more likely to grasp breakable objects and were least likely to obey restrictions, reaching for the forbidden objects again and again. And when given a test measuring infant development seven months later, these babies scored lower than did those who received no or low discipline.

Hmmm, seems like a no brainer these days. Parents try to teach their kids hitting is not OK, but...umm..it's OK for the parents to hit the kids. Smart parenting, that.

The sad thing is that we still have to have legislation such as this to make people aware of the fact that violence should not be accepted in our society (of course, we're still working on that whole "war" thing). Sad, sad. It matters not that the violence occurs inside your home or at the mall, violence is violence, hitting is hitting. Big people hitting big people lands one in court. Big people hitting little people should have equal if not more serious repercussions.

In the words of the two year old who lives in this house, hitting is "Not Nice".

It really can't get any clearer than that.

Go Sally! YOU GO GIRL!!

OK, Who Am I and What Have You Done With Me?

This week has already been proof that I'm quite susceptible to behavioral conditioning experiments being carried out by a small someone who cannot yet ennunciate and still runs from me gleefully naked each morning as I chase him down trying to make him socially acceptable by actually putting clothes on his tiny, adorable self.

Making me do things, that, in my rational, pre-motherhood mind, I would have found simply absurd.

Normally, sitting at red lights does not evoke indistinguishable peals of protest from the backseat. Tonight it did though. Of course, instead of turning to the small passanger with a beef in the back and inquiring as to the nature of the problem, I copied him.

Mmhmm, you read that right. You know, like when you were five and mimicked everything your sister said until she flew at you in a rage while screaming, "MOMMMM, HE WON'T STOP COPYING ME!"

Yeah, like that. I'm soooo grown up.

Not being the only grown up in the car, Daddy (driving) did it too. And then it was ON! Three more indistinguishable peals of protest in tandem from backseat to front. Followed by two "uh!s"...mimicked, of course. And then finally, a wordless stern, heavy-browed stare accompanied with...the HAND. He gave us "the Hand". Where do they get this stuff?

"I don't think he likes it when we laugh at him,
I think he's sensitive like that."

I glance back, "Yeah, but you know, he really needs to learn to lighten up."

"Well, that's true".


C'mon Jude...you can dish it out but you can't take it? Don't be like your Uncle Mark...

drivin'

Breakfast at Jude's

Morning Jan 07